Me: I can’t work out how vampires actually bite. Can you? I mean, how can they get their teeth into the crook of one’s neck like that?
My father: What’s so difficult about that? Here, watch me. [roars, bares teeth, twists neck to one side and pretends to plunge head down].
Me, excitedly: Let me try! Let me try! [grabs poor beleagured father by the scruff, pushes head to one side, and tries to bite neck]. Naaah, see? It doesn’t work. My teeth can’t reach your neck.
F: Arre istoopid, vampires have fangs.
Me: Oooh! [positions index fingers at the side of lips] Okay, got fangs. Let me try again. [Repeat vicious attack] Oh ah! Pappa, you genius! Look [jabbing the paternal neck hard with index fingers] — my fangs have towtully got your artery. You are DED!
F, squirming and giggling madly: Ow! Your breath tickles! Hehe! Ow! Ow! Haha! Ow!
Such is the terror I inspire in people.