The Secret of Vampires

Me: I can’t work out how vampires actually bite. Can you? I mean, how can they get their teeth into the crook of one’s neck like that?
My father: What’s so difficult about that? Here, watch me. [roars, bares teeth, twists neck to one side and pretends to plunge head down].
Me, excitedly: Let me try! Let me try! [grabs poor beleagured father by the scruff, pushes head to one side, and tries to bite neck]. Naaah, see? It doesn’t work. My teeth can’t reach your neck.
F: Arre istoopid, vampires have fangs.
Me: Oooh! [positions index fingers at the side of lips] Okay, got fangs. Let me try again. [Repeat vicious attack] Oh ah! Pappa, you genius! Look [jabbing the paternal neck hard with index fingers] — my fangs have towtully got your artery. You are DED!
F, squirming and giggling madly: Ow! Your breath tickles! Hehe! Ow! Ow! Haha! Ow!

Such is the terror I inspire in people.



    • Please do! Does your daughter like Twilight? I find a lot of young vampire fans love that Bella-Edward dynamic, but having grown up on strong-heroine vampire tales like Buffy, I can’t stand Twilight myself 😦

      • REPRESENT, BUFFINATORS! Heh. I like the analogy with first love in Twilight as explained to me by my 30-year-old sister when I was 41 (a couple years ago). That was as close as I came to reading it or viewing it, even though she lent me the book for a while. 🙂

        I stumbled across your blog looking for uses of the word “anecdata” and find your writing and choice of topics quite interesting and beautifully expressive in many places. Thanks!

        ps. Don’t bother looking at my WP blog because it’s empty. If you’re curious, see for my formerly very active, currently rarely active blog.

        • This blog has also become ‘rarely active’ thanks to hectic work-life, but it’s delightful to come back to it and find a new reader. Thank you for your kind words 🙂

  1. Want to recommend my favorite vampire book, which is “Let the right one in” by John Ajvide Lindqvist. The original Swedish film is great too. (Haven’t watched the Hollywood remake).

    • And violently resist sleeping with the most vapid, insipid, insecure, clingy person the place has to offer while stalking them every moment of their waking and sleeping hours? Thank the gods, no!


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