It’s as dull as dull can be. This was my Facebook post one night, when I thought I was in sparkly pink pussycat land.
“The easiest way to getting a buzz, when life seems funnier, and food seems more awesome, and jokes just bleeding out of this world, is to mix whatever drops of you have at home. For instance, right now, my insides are pickled in whiskey, vodka, and a some lager. And man, do I feel like I have balcony seats to you poor sods living your life. Hahahaha. Living your life. So funny. (Forgive my drunkenness.)”
My good friends of Facebook marshalled their wits and commented thus (set yourself up for disappointment):
SG – Drink plenty of water.
Me – SG, never patronise a drunk person. <Golumn voice> Be verrrry carefullll of themmm.
SG – …mixed with more whiskey and vodka.
RS – You only live once in this lifetime. Life’s short. Souls live on but forget drunkenness. So treat this particular part of the journey of your soul.
PM – Apparently cupcakes and beer like each other.
SK – ‘Sorry my life is so much more bitchin’ than yours. I planned it this way.’
Well, so far so woozy. Till the next morning hit.
“Aaaaand this morning, I’m sort of disappointed that my “drunk status” last night was so very coherent. In other news, I am throwing up even water, delicately caressing my poor scratchy throat, and the partner is regaling me with stories of what I did just before passing out (it is a favour we do each other).”
LCS: Always have paracetamol before drinking.
DG: I wrote a drunk status last night, too; very coherent. Fortunately, it didn’t get posted because of my choppy mobile connection.
AP: can you get hold of something called Alka Seltzer? It’s the miracle cure.
HG: Or, you know, we can avoid mixing vodka and whiskey?!
Thus endeth my little frolicks with a litre of whiskey and friends. I think it’s time I returned to the good-girl land of four drinks and no more. If even that much alcohol can’t make me do cartwheels in a tutu, why kill my liver trying?