So Grateful for my Recent Depression!

I’ve recently had a depressive dip, and I’m so very grateful for it.

It’s a wonderful relief to discover that depression isn’t always a relentless constant. Sometimes, it lets up. Sometimes, it does have a starting point, and heavens be praised!, a more-or-less specific end point.

It is such an enormous relief to be able to say “I’ve been depressed lately”, with the instinctive certainty that this shall soon pass, as opposed to never mentioning your other depression because that is Life le Normal for you. You’ve been living so deep down the dark well your entire adult life that you find nothing remarkable about it, not even when you see it destroying your career, your happiness, your chance of financial independence and adult stability.

Gods, people. I’ve been so depressed [only] lately! I did a lot of mindless chores in a haze of deaf and near-blind black self-absorption, stayed up all night doing nothing and slept all day, ate whatever my partner put in front of me, and now, and now, by golly, I can feel the veil lifting!!! I’ve NEVER felt this feeling before, and it’s lovely, and I’m godsdamned grateful for it.

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2 comments

  1. Responses from social media:

    Akansha H. Jain – 🙂 Dear N 😛

    Sunayana Roy – Do whatever it takes to keep you feeling better. Over time I’ve realised it’s better to be shameless like that than be depressed.

    Ruma Chakravarti – Such an honest appraisal! I am always here in inbox if you ever needed to talk….Rimikins.

    Me – Sunny, I wish I could. What would make me feel enormously better is some straight talkin’ about the near and dear ones, little rays of sunshine and happiness who have gleefully seen to it that I am now unemployed without the security of the fat savings account accruing interest I had slowly set up for myself over the last five years. A childhood of supernaturally hard-working parents and little money to spare has tied my sense of happiness and security with firmly with having falling-back funds, and while there are naturally other things, this is the one aspect of my life currently that really messes with my happiness. But I’m not allowed to talk about it, because don’t you just know, hurt can only flow one way. Ruma, you’re a darling. Thank you 🙂

    Ruma Chakravarti – I find talking about those rays of sunshine to people removed from the situation…helps. If only as a lessening of one’s sense of guilt about feeling outrage with said rays. Thanks Rimi. 🙂

    Me – Oh, I have NO guilt. They just happen to be close to people I love very deeply, people who are decent and would rather not talk straight about anybody in public. (I do so dislike decent people sometimes.)

    Gautam Benegal – Try something…Get off FB for about a week and see whether you still feel depressed .. Or feel the same lightheartedness as you do now. Whatever happens, you fight find avenues to channelize yourself constructively.

    Dipali Taneja – I’m so glad, Rimi. Always there if you’d like to talk, any time. I’ll message you my new number. Big hugs.

    Priyadarshini Chakraborti Mukherjee – I like u rimi.u write so well! i wud love to read a book written by u.ur sauce blog is such a gem! keep shining. Much love. take care n keep writing 🙂

    Sunayana Roy – Priyanka, been there. No money coming into my account, all household money being spent on household, nightmares about being penniless… the works, in fact. It does get better. Feel free to call or write. You know you’re always welcome.

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