Pigeons are Dumb

My problem with birds is that they have no concept of private property. Every damned morning, the stupid pigeons flutter into our balcony, and then, if the room adjacent is empty, they pitter-patter straight in. If someone steps into the room, and seeing them, you know… screeches in terror, they act all outraged and fluttery and start whooshing around the room, like it’s their fortress that has been breached.
Listen up, pij. This is MY room, MY balcony, and you do NOT get to flutter to MY ceilings and sqwak at me because I caught you trying to build a nest on MY ceiling fan.
Stupid pigeons. Why can’t you be like the pretty kingfishers and parrots who – blast them – don’t come anywhere near my rooms?

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3 comments

    • Na re! I wish I had a camera that could take photos like that. I copied it off the web, but there IS a very pretty kingfisher that perches about ten foot from our window every day, but never comes any closer 😦

  1. These are social media responses:

    Dhruva Ghosh – That’s because pigeons are left-wing ideologues who do not believe in private property.

    Sunayana Roy – I dislike pigeons. I am firmly convinced what they do they do out of spite and malice. Also, they built a nest in my AC and had babies there and I had to do without the AC blast them all. Plus they are super dirty.

    Dhruva Ghosh – This had to come up, of course: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY

    Hollaback Mumbai – Pigeons are a menace. They have messed by the entire ecological cycle. They are creating havoc for even the other bird species.

    Pramurto Mukhopadhyay – Make pigeon pie.

    Poorna Bannerjee – And of course, there is a man called Mithun living with you. No WONDER. For the reference, check this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83Z642t7LZ4

    Me: Hollaback Mumbai, I believe you. They’re also openly territorial – chased the kingfishers away from the tree closest to our balcony. Even the crows don’t mess with them, and crows are fierce. Panno, Touché!

    Salvatore Giusto – zoological class struggle.

    Soubhik Niyogi – http://shopping.rediff.com/product/professional-u-catapult-stainless-steel-slingshot/11928365

    SuD Chaudhuri – ahahahaha ebar sofa ba khat e uthe potty korbe… 🙂

    Pathikrit Pandit – Roj roj mere gali ana hai bura, aake mulakat kiye jaanaa hai bura.

    Pathikrit Pandit – Never play ‘statue’.

    Gautam Benegal – Can you do me a favour? Can you catch a couple of pigeons and cook them? Call me over. I’m not allowed to do this. The missus put her foot down. I have always wondered how they taste. Please. I’m serious.

    Gautam Benegal – And no fancy cooking please. Dak bungalow curry.

    Hrileena Ghosh – since kingfishers and parrots have much sharper beaks and claws, a greater capacity for targeted aggression and far superior intelligence to the average pigeon, and since they react equally badly to being screeched at, I’d say you’re lucky they’re not coming close, as long as you keep up the screeching.

    Matthew Belmonte – You come from crow-infested KOLKATA to complain about the PIGEONS in MUMBAI? Seriously?

    James W. Hoover – Gospel of St. Matthew, 6:26: “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” See, I think the birds have interpreted this to mean that God has given them everything. So, basically, they think your stuff belongs to them. 🙂

    Me: Matthew, the crows did not attempt to colonise our living spaces, so we forgave them their constant attempts to nip in through the kitchen window and steal all manner of food and light utensils. Also, crows, being smart, snatch from the edge of windowsills. They do NOT fly inside rooms and soar to the ceilings. I have every right to complain about birds who do in fact do *that*!

    Gautam, I’ll buy and cook you home-raised pigeons. Please don’t try to eat feral city-bred pij, they will poison your innards and stick you in a hospital, pooping through pipes. I’ll buy and cook you home-raised pigeons. Please don’t try to eat feral city-bred pij, they will poison your innards and stick you in a hospital, pooping through pipes.

    Gautam Benegal: Ok done.

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